Listening to the Whispers Before They Become Roars

I was telling a friend recently that my higher power wanted me to rest. The message I was getting was to just sit because there is powerful energy coming. 

She said, “Good for you!”

Then I decided, for some unknown reason, to go to Home Depot to buy six bags of salt for my water softener. Each bag was forty pounds and I moved them into the car by myself, without asking for help. 

The next day I was gardening and moving plants around outside. It was very hot. Suddenly my arms started shaking out of control. I felt a shooting pain behind my heart that morphed into chest pain.

I wondered, “Am I having a heart attack? No, I’m too healthy. That can’t be happening. But maybe it is.”

I waited a little while, but my arm would not stop shaking. I went inside and asked my daughter to take me to the emergency room. I spent the next two days at the hospital undergoing tests—all of which turned out fine. 

But during this time, I saw how my ego was on a mission to sabotage me.

At first I was bored. Then I was embarrassed. I thought, I’m a lightworker, I’m not supposed to be sick or needy. 

And why didn’t I ask for help at Home Depot?

I told myself, I don’t have time for this!

I don't want my daughter to have to take care of me. 

How much is this going to cost and how can I afford it?

Then I began to notice my beautiful room. Outside the window was a gorgeous tree and it swayed gently in the breeze as if it were whispering to me. Looking at it made the negative voices fade away. I took a deep breath, anchored in my breath, and focused on gratitude. I realized that I was safe, and everyone was so kind.

A nurse gently calmed me by saying, “You can pay $5 at a time if you need to.”

Finally, I surrendered to my feelings. I felt my body let go. Tears came as my thoughts turned to my mom and how much I miss her. She is losing her memory and sometimes the pain of having her there with me but also not there is confusing and overwhelmingly sad. 

I remembered my conversation with my friend. Instead of resting, I had kept myself busy all month. My higher self kept telling me to stop and rest. Maybe I also needed to stop and allow unwelcome feelings like sadness, grief, and fear. 

How many of us hear that inner voice urging us to be still but disregard it? How often are we fighting our feelings because we don’t fully trust ourselves or our spirit?

If we don’t listen to the whispers of our inner guidance system, life has a way of roaring to get our attention. That’s the power of the body. It takes care of us whether we listen or not, even if its way of taking care is to immobilize us. 

I’ve heard so many people say, “I just need to slow down.” Then they fall, or have an accident, or get sick. 

No one wants to stop and just be. But when we stop and breathe, we connect ourselves not only to our inner beings, but to each other and to the entire planet. We’re all one. 

So listen to the trees, the water, the butterflies, the sunset, your heartbeat. They all have something to say. 

And if you’re worried that you don’t know the “right” way to begin, start by doing nothing more than appreciating nature, like this:

“Imagine trees standing together in a forest. They don’t talk, but they feel each other’s presence. When you look at them, you might say they aren’t doing anything. But they are growing and providing clean air for living things to breathe. 

Instead of describing sitting meditation as the practice of concentration, looking deeply, and getting insight, I like to describe sitting as enjoying doing nothing. Primarily, sitting is to enjoy the pleasure of sitting, being fully alive and in touch with the wonders of our working bodies, the cool air, the sounds of people and birds, and the changing colors of the sky.”
—Thich Nhat Hanh, from How to Sit